How Do I Kill An 'X'? (Part 2)

Vampires:


In the movies you see some tough guy try to shoot a vampire to no effect, then the pansy guy with a cross or some holy water steps in and drives the vamp back. Popular culture will tell you that you should drop your gun in favor of some holy item. That's just false information being fed to you from the vampires! What if that doesn't work? What if it's a Jewish vampire?

The deal on Christian symbols and the vamp-hate is based off the idea that Vampires have been forsaken by God so they go around targeting those that God hasn't forsaken. (Doesn't seem like a good manner to get an appeal to me.) They so hate God that they are repulsed by His symbols.

If Judas Iscariot is the first vampire in your way of thinking - they can't stand silver because of the whole selling-out-Jesus-for-silver-coins thing. Additionally, if you're going with a wooden stake, make sure it's made from the wood of an Aspen tree as that's the type of tree Judas supposedly hanged himself from.

There's also the idea that vampires came from Lilith. Lilith is considered by some to be the first wife of Adam. She was shunned by Adam because she demanded to be treated as an equal. Adam hooks up with Eve, Lilith hooks up with demons. Adam and Eve's offspring are us humans while Lilith's offspring are vampires. They are purportedly females that steal into nurseries killing babies and then seducing their fathers. These vampires can be held at bay with lullabies (prayers against Lilu [the Lilith begotten vampires]) or by placing pendants around their necks inscribed with the names of the three angels sent by God to round up Lilith. Sing lullabies to your babies but don't put chains or necklaces on them - that's frickin' dangerous - hello, choking hazard!

Pop culture will have you use a wooden stake (any wood though I'd go with a hard wood, finely sanded). In more recent years silver bullets have been added to the list (I guess via the Judas theory). In most stories you can cut off a vampire's head as well (this is actually difficult to do by the way).

The Stake Method:
You have to either angle up from beneath the rib cage and into the heart or go right through the sternum. Contrary to all that left side of the torso crap, the heart is located directly behind the sternum. I don't know if you have to just pierce the heart or go all the way through it, but I'd go for all the way through just to be safe. Your stake should then be a minimum of eight inches long but I'd go with a foot-long. You need to have a tapered tip, but not too thin or it'll break going through the sternum. In order to get through the sternum you're going to need some help - get a rubber mallet to help drive it in. I'd suggest that you try this when during the day when supposed vampires are sleepy.

Silver Bullets:
I guess I could buy it. I'm certainly of the mind that throwing bits of metal at high speeds into a vampire is likely to distract it a bit. Go for it, just be sure to use lots.

Decapitation:
Here's an experiment you can do at home. Buy several watermelons. Find some fence posts or put some nails through a board at about five to six feet tall. Mount the water melons at that height. Now use that cheap sword you bought at the mall or a hatchet and try to cut through them in one stroke. A watermelon is about the same overall density of a human head. (I know - to take off someone's head you go through the neck, but don't you want to be sure you can do it? Frankly I know I'd rather be over prepared.) It's probably not going to work too well. If this is the route you're taking I'd get a nice katana.

Incineration:
Burn them to ashes and then scatter the ashes - pretty straight-forward, right? You have to be fairly thorough to make a fire hot enough that will burn the entire vamp - bones and all.

Verdict: OVERKILL! Incapacitate them with silver bullets, cut off their head, burn the head and the body separately, and scatter the ashes in LOTS of different places. If you've ever seen a Dracula movie, those vamps always find a way to come back. The least we can do is make it hard for them.

Composting

There are numerous reasons that you should take up gardening as a hobby. Chief among them is that you have the opportunity to create food! This could be an immensely helpful ability down the line.

One of the important parts of gardening is supplying the nutrients that your plants require. You can hop down to the store and pick up a bag of compost or manure today, but you can also make it on your own.

Composting is also a good way to deal with some of the trash we produce. I could go into what compost is and why you should do it, but this wikipedia entry does better than I could:

Compost wiki-style

Last weekend I built my first-ever compost bin with the primary intention of creating compost for my wife's garden, but also as a way to deal with some of our trash.

It's been coming along fairly well. I have added scraps a few times and I think I'm starting to see the beginning of the compost process. It's pretty cool.

Composting is an important part of becoming more self-reliant. It's getting harder to say with certainty what state the world is going to be like in the coming years. During World War II food was rationed. In today's world there would probably be rioting in the streets if the government tried to ration your Lucky Charms or Doritos - imagine what would happen if the government imposed rations on sugar, nylon, copper - that's what happened in World War II. Start your Victory Garden now.

TWO MONTHS LATER: I've built my second compost bin and the first is nearly ready to be emptied back into the ground. I filled my first bin over about eight weeks and have been letting it compost since. It'll be fully composted in about four weeks or so. At that point the second bin will be full and ready to sit. I'll then start using the first bin actively after that.

The experiment has thusfar been successful. I'm excited to see how the compost helps the garden next year.

How Do I Kill An 'X'? (Part 1)

While my blogs typically deal with pragmatic concerns, I do also intend to have a little fun from time to time. Dealing with Supernature is rather unlikely, it basically fits the definition of impossible, however it is fun to conjecture. Here goes!

You run across a werewolf, vampire, zombie, or whatever. You're going to be pretty safe if you cut off their head and burn everything. However, in hand to hand combat you can't really gather firewood and make a campfire. You need a quick and forceful way to subdue your target.

Werewolves:


A werewolf is basically a wild beast, with the supernatural exception. You need a silver bullet! Well, don't set down your gun loaded with lead bullets - shoot the damn thing! A bullet made of lead (or whatever else you have) is going to do some damage. If shooting a werewolf isn't going to kill it, it will give it pause. A wild beast is going to go for the easy kill, it's not going to enjoy getting shot up. Of course, some myths will say that a werewolf will have some level of cognitive ability in which case it will likely go for the most dangerous target first. If that's the case you're still best off to unload your gun directly into it!

There are several ways to kill a werewolf as myths tell us - silver bullets, decapitation, cut out their hearts, death by werewolf, or kill the werewolf that created it. Finding and killing the werewolf that created the werewolf in front you isn't a solution to your immediate problem - not gonna help you. If you are a werewolf and are trying to kill another - for one thing you shouldn't be reading this blog, but also you're a werewolf - you should be hunting down those tasty humans! Cutting out the heart seems like a pretty safe way, but isn't going to be all that easy. I don't think I want to tangle with the person that can cut out the heart of a werewolf. Cutting off the head is a fairly good idea - but unless you're a trained samurai with a katana it's not easy. Using explosives to blow the thing up effectively should have the same result as cutting off the head. I'd still want to make sure that the head stays separated from the rest of the... stuff. Burn it to be safe. Silver bullets are probably the way to go. The nice thing about silver bullets is that they're bullets and will work on wild, rampaging, ferocious beasts that aren't supernatural.

Verdict: silver bullets.

Smoke Detectors/Fire Alarms

The smoke detectors in your house are probably past their prime. It is recommended, by... whoever, that household smoke detectors get replaced every six years. That's a bit overkill if you ask me, but it's a good idea to inspect your smoke alarms at least once a year.

Smoke alarms in private homes typically are battery powered and are either optical or ionization style detectors. Optical detectors are a bit more expensive but are less likely to go off on a false-positive. Ionization alarms are cheaper but tend to go off if you burn the toast.

The smoke alarms in my house were at least ten to fifteen years old. They've been replaced, but I really ought get a few more. It's suggest that you put one in each room that someone sleeps in as well as one per level of the home in a common area.

Smoke alarms are either battery operated and/or hard-wired directly to your house. The best is obviously with both power sources, but unless you're dealing with new construction battery-operated is just fine. The cost of having an electrician come out to wire you up some detectors isn't usually in the budget for most of us.

If you hear a loud, regular chirp sound from your detector - you need to change the battery. It's best to preemptively do that every one to two years.

Since we're on the subject - you should also pick up a Carbon Monoxide detector. Those combined units won't actually detect hazardous levels of CO gas without the presence of smoke.